Felicity Jane
Sparrow
Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 154
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Exploration.....
something silly, to get off my chest..... thanks for letting me share, even if no one is reading
Exploration
You seep into tunnels
deep in my heart
where he never cared to bleed
You put down roots
in my soul
where he never planted a seed
You explore dark corners
of my room
when he never left the center
Your light fingered traces
go places
he never cared to venture
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1/6/2012, 10:57 pm
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martin shaw
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Registered: 11-2011
Posts: 382
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Re: Exploration.....
OK, this is quaint and I sort of like it, without meaning to be flippant.
If you like to rhyme you must stay away from the obvious. Use your creativity, which is in you abounds and search for words, challenging the reader to make their own interpretation in their mind.
I say, watch out here comes Amy Lou
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1/7/2012, 4:48 am
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dianneW
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Registered: 12-2011
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Re: Exploration.....
I like it a lot FJ
I love the imagery of never leaving your center
that alone was beautiful
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1/7/2012, 10:17 am
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cbets57
Heron
Registered: 03-2006
Location: La Crosse WI
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Re: Exploration.....
I always like your poetry, AL. This said a lot in a small space.
--- Cindy
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1/7/2012, 11:44 am
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Frank Baron
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Registered: 11-2011
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Re: Exploration.....
Lots to like in a few handfuls of words. :)
--- You can observe a lot just by watching - Yogi Berra
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1/7/2012, 1:15 pm
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Felicity Jane
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Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 154
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Re: Exploration.....
WOW, thanks for the responses! I really do appreciate the time you all took to read this.... I realize it's not groundbreaking but the fact that you recognized feeling in it, makes it a success to me....
Martin~ i appreciate the time and advice, always very valuable to me.... thank you very much....happy you sorta enjoyed it~that's always a compliment....
dianne~ wow thanks a lot, and especially for pointing out what really moved you.... that one line does speak so much truth in my life....
Cindy and Frank~thank you both for reading this and for seeing something more in such few fancy words...
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1/7/2012, 5:18 pm
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martin shaw
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Registered: 11-2011
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Re: Exploration.....
Take away the rhyme and you have a good piece again.
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1/7/2012, 11:56 pm
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Felicity Jane
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Registered: 12-2011
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Re: Exploration.....
okay, martin, i'll try it your way... just to see how it goes... but i ain't promising anything! ya hear? lol
i understand where you're coming from you anti-rhyming painter man.... so i'll give it a go....
FJ
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1/8/2012, 1:49 am
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