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Felicity Jane Profile
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Sparrow

Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 154
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Exploration.....


something silly, to get off my chest..... thanks for letting me share, even if no one is reading emoticon


Exploration

You seep into tunnels
deep in my heart
where he never cared to bleed

You put down roots
in my soul
where he never planted a seed

You explore dark corners
of my room
when he never left the center

Your light fingered traces
go places
he never cared to venture
1/6/2012, 10:57 pm Link to this post  
 
martin shaw Profile
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Banned user

Registered: 11-2011
Posts: 382
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Re: Exploration.....


OK, this is quaint and I sort of like it, without meaning to be flippant.

If you like to rhyme you must stay away from the obvious. Use your creativity, which is in you abounds and search for words, challenging the reader to make their own interpretation in their mind.

I say, watch out here comes Amy Lou
1/7/2012, 4:48 am Link to this post Email martin shaw   PM martin shaw Blog
 
dianneW Profile
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Egg

Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 44
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Re: Exploration.....


I like it a lot FJ

I love the imagery of never leaving your center
that alone was beautiful
1/7/2012, 10:17 am Link to this post Email dianneW   PM dianneW Blog
 
cbets57 Profile
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Heron

Registered: 03-2006
Location: La Crosse WI
Posts: 1027
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Re: Exploration.....


I always like your poetry, AL. This said a lot in a small space.

---
Cindy
1/7/2012, 11:44 am Link to this post Email cbets57   PM cbets57
 
Frank Baron Profile
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Old Crow

Registered: 11-2011
Posts: 2147
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Re: Exploration.....


Lots to like in a few handfuls of words. :)

---
You can observe a lot just by watching - Yogi Berra
1/7/2012, 1:15 pm Link to this post Email Frank Baron   PM Frank Baron Blog
 
Felicity Jane Profile
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Sparrow

Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 154
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Re: Exploration.....


WOW, thanks for the responses! I really do appreciate the time you all took to read this.... I realize it's not groundbreaking but the fact that you recognized feeling in it, makes it a success to me....

Martin~ i appreciate the time and advice, always very valuable to me.... thank you very much....happy you sorta enjoyed it~that's always a compliment....

dianne~ wow thanks a lot, and especially for pointing out what really moved you.... that one line does speak so much truth in my life....

Cindy and Frank~thank you both for reading this and for seeing something more in such few fancy words...
1/7/2012, 5:18 pm Link to this post  
 
martin shaw Profile
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Registered: 11-2011
Posts: 382
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Re: Exploration.....


Take away the rhyme and you have a good piece again.
1/7/2012, 11:56 pm Link to this post Email martin shaw   PM martin shaw Blog
 
Felicity Jane Profile
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Sparrow

Registered: 12-2011
Posts: 154
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Re: Exploration.....


okay, martin, i'll try it your way... just to see how it goes... but i ain't promising anything! ya hear? lol
i understand where you're coming from you anti-rhyming painter man.... so i'll give it a go....

FJ
1/8/2012, 1:49 am Link to this post  
 


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